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<title>i am only holy in the morning by wawayaga</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25661146">i am only holy in the morning</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/wawayaga/pseuds/wawayaga'>wawayaga</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Pentagon (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, Multi, Sharing a Bed, bed sharing as a coping mechanism</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:13:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,300</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25661146</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/wawayaga/pseuds/wawayaga</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>shinwon and changgu spend time in hongseok's new bed instead of talking about their feelings</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ko Shinwon/Yang Hongseok, Ko Shinwon/Yang Hongseok/Yeo Changgu | Yeo One, Yang Hongseok/Yeo Changgu | Yeo One</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>53</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i am only holy in the morning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hongseok likes the look on Shinwon’s face when he shuffles into his room half asleep after practice to see that there was a new bed. Shinwon doesn’t say anything, just raises his eyebrows and curls next to Hongseok, opening his duvet cape to snuggle in closer. They sleep like that, like they so often did, wrapped in each other, limbs tangled. They didn’t talk about it, they just let it happen. </p><p>“S’big,” Shinwon says the next morning, mumbling into Hongseok’s neck, his sleepy breath leaving the skin sticky. </p><p>“I thought it might be easier this way,” Hongseok drops a kiss to Shinwon’s forehead before wrapping an arm tight around him and going back to sleep. </p><p>--</p><p>Hyunggu had been on the warpath at practice, especially snippy and irritated when Changgu wasn’t able to get the choreo down right away. Hui was no help, letting Changgu fend for himself and not coming to his defense like he usually does. Hongseok wasn’t surprised when, later that night, there was a soft knock on his bedroom door. </p><p>He whispers out a “come in” and Changgu does, Hongseok feels the bed dip under Changgu’s weight and shuffles over to make room. </p><p>Changgu lies down next to him and Hongseok opens his arms, giving him the space to move in close. Shinwon liked to cuddle, but with Changgu it was like he was determined to get inside your skin and, failing that, at least attach himself to you surgically. </p><p>Changgu turns on his side, pressing his back against Hongseok’s chest and laces their fingers together over his chest, pulling him in tight. Hongseok sighs. He knew Changgu had been upset at the studio, he’d been practicing over and over to himself during the breaks and had been quiet while they waited for their vans to take them home. Sometimes, when Changgu was especially hurt or tired, there wasn’t enough closeness or weight in the world. He would pull Hongseok on top of him and try to mash them together. </p><p>Before...all of <em> this </em> had started, it wasn’t unusual to find Changgu in his own bed surrounded by pillows on all sides, like bumpers at a bowling alley. He’d be covered in blankets pulled up to his nose, hugging one thing or another to his chest. Yanan had expressed concern on more than one occasion that Changgu might suffocate in his sleep. Hongseok wasn’t sure this was better. On one hand, he knew he wasn’t going to suffocate Changgu but on the other, their dorms weren’t close enough for this to be a long term solution. </p><p>In a lot of ways it was easier with Shinwon, who didn’t talk about his feelings anyway, choosing to prove them rather than explain them. Hongseok knew that when Shinwon came to his bed to lie together he was lonely and missed his family or he was afraid of bringing the group down, was mentally reliving Pentagon Maker over and over until he couldn’t breathe and had to be reminded that he <em> was </em> Pentagon’s Ko Shinwon. Hongseok would hold him and whisper into his hair, rub his back until he fell asleep. Shinwon was easy, because Hongseok knew what he needed and could give it to him. Changgu though, was so much harder. </p><p>Right now, Hongseok knew that Changgu needed him. He ran his hand through Changgu’s hair, letting his nails drag across his scalp. Changgu had mentioned once that when he was little that’s how his mom would get him to sleep. Hongseok wasn’t sure how or why he’d remembered that fact among the million other little things about his members that he’s learned over the years, he only knew that when Changgu had crawled into his bed that first time, his hands had gone to his hair immediately, scrubbing slow and steady until Changgu's breathing had evened out. </p><p>He came to Hongseok in all kinds of moods and he was so much harder to pin down. Hongseok knew that he was upset with himself, upset with Hyunggu for yelling at him earlier. He was sure it went deeper than that but, just like Shinwon, Changgu didn’t talk about how he was feeling, he just came to Hongseok and tucked himself in when he needed to. That was enough- knowing he was asking for help in the only way he knew how was enough for Hongseok. </p><p>“You got a new bed,” Changgu whispers. </p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>Changgu doesn’t respond, just lifts their joined hands to his mouth and presses a kiss to Hongseok’s wrist. He takes it for the thanks that it is. </p><p>--</p><p>Hongseok is trying not to cry in the back of the van. He wasn’t sure what he was crying about but the tears were stinging his eyes anyway. That isn’t true, he knew why he was crying. He was so tired. He was so tired and he missed his family and not for the first time, Hongseok wondered if any of this was worth it. He wondered if starving himself and working himself to exhaustion could possibly be worth it. He loved performing and he loved the fans, hearing them scream and reading their letters meant the world to him but there had to be some kind of middle ground, where he could be happy. </p><p>It was easier when he had his members with him. When he could rely on Changgu or Hui to make a dumb joke to make him laugh or for Yuto to lean on him and play with his hands. He had a separate schedule for now and spending this much time alone was getting to him. He wonders if the boys would be up for a game night or a movie and moved to take out his phone to send a text but as he opens the group he questions whether he had the energy to be on right now. If taking a hot shower and going to bed wouldn’t be better tonight. He puts his phone away. </p><p>It’s dark when he lets himself into the dorm, only the light above the stove is on in the kitchen. He feels the tears pricking at his eyes again and realizes that maybe he was looking forward to seeing his friends tonight after all. Hongseok goes to turn the light off and sees a note on the table: <em> Out -H </em>Hui was at Hyuna and Hyojong’s then. He sighs, if Hui wasn’t home then Shinwon was probably at dorm b with Changgu so he really was alone tonight. </p><p>He decides a shower can wait until morning, he’d rather just bury himself in bed and sleep off this feeling in his chest. He doesn’t bother turning on the light and drops his bag next to the door, stripping off his shirt and pants. Hongseok peels back his blankets and squints into the darkness at his bed. He remembers making it before he left, isn’t sure why there’s a pillow, no, a <em> body </em> , there. He pokes at it and hears a muffled <em> mmrp </em>. The form turns to look at him and he recognizes the hair as Shinwon’s. The sound Hongseok makes then is deeply embarrassing and it only gets worse when he realizes there’s another person on Shinwon’s other side. </p><p>He’s kneeling on the bed, just looking down at these boys, <em> his </em> boys, who were there without him even having to ask, wondering how he got so lucky. Changgu reaches across Shinwon to pull at Hongseok’s hand, pulls him in between them. Hongseok tucks his face into the crook of Changgu’s shoulder, grabs for Shinwon’s hand to wrap an arm around himself. </p><p>“What do you need?” Changgu asks him. </p><p>Hongseok lets out a shuddering breath. </p><p>“You. Just- you.” </p><p>He can feel Shinwon’s free hand carding through his hair then and he knows they understand and that is enough. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>twt @changgukah</p></blockquote></div></div>
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